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I have been working in my new job for about six weeks. In that time I have made over 700 gallons of coffee, found ways to dodge work and enjoy the daily installment of Tom Cruise making an ass out of himself, and fallen in love with the lanky, marginally attractive, frequently quiet girl who writes copy and pretends to not notice me staring at her. Her name is Lisa and she is my official office crush. Not the typical office crush (i.e. receptionist with big jugs who smiles at you so that for a fleeting second you can pretend you are in her league) but there is something special about Lisa which seperates her from all the previous kill-time-at-work inaftuations of the past. I’m not sure how I know this. I’ve only spoken to her a few times, and the first time I made such a monumental ass of myself that I might as well have been Tom Cruise. It all happened my first week on the job. I was delivering mail to her desk and noticed the name plate on her cubicle. It read “OOTO FRIDAY”. Naturally I assumed her name was Ooto. Little did I know it was an abbreviation for “Out Of The Office Friday”. So, during an ill-fated meeting in the copy room (where I was replacing reems of 8 1/2 X 11) I decided to make a friendly gesture. “Good morning Ooto”, I said. Silence. She looked at me confused and I could see the gears turning in her head as she thought “Did he just call me Ooto? And where the fuck is all the 8 1/2 X 11?” She smiled and said “um… excuse me?”. “Good morning” I said. She smiled and went back to work trying to avoid eye contact with me as I frantically loaded the 8 1/2 X 11 into the copier and got the hell out of there before I could do anymore damage to my infatuation with Ooto…I mean Lisa! I decided talking to her was a bad idea because I’m dumb. So I figured the next best strategy for me was to make friends with Lauren, the girl who shares a cubicle with Lisa. So I did. Lauren and I became fast friends, and I would spend the afternoons lounging around her cubicle and talking shit about Tom Cruise. It was solid, witty banter. I was proud of myself, but Lisa didn’t seem to engage in our conversations. Then I noticed she had a picture of Tom Cruise pinned on her cubicle wall with, and I shit you not, a little heart drawn on it. Strike two! Shortly after Lauren got another job and moved out of Lisa’s cubicle. My one Lisa connection was now gone. I had desparaged her own crush and called her Ooto. I feel that I am doomed. Doomed to live a life without my beloved Lisa. But it’s only a crush, and I suppose crushes are more fun to persue than to actually take seriously. Besides, it gives me more time in the day to watch Tom Cruise destroy his career.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005 at 11:48 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.